How to Be a Really Awful Pirate in One Story
by thomthom830
Summary: Or Less It's a really bad fic. I swear. Meant to be totally and completely ridiculous and not original. Its what would happen if I woke up on the Pearl. Some profanity 'cause I'm fairly good at swearing in certain situations. Disclaimer: I do not own
1. Day One

A/N: A really ridiculous story written in half an hour while I was bored at work. Not mean to be good, just supposed to be funny. I don't own Pirates, so please don't sue me. Set after CotBP, maybe they'll be spoilers for DMC, I don't know yet. Please read and review!

**How to Be a Really Awful Pirate in One Story (Or Less)**

I came home from work and I was completely exhausted. I smiled at my Johnny Depp poster on my door and yawned. My job had not been an easy one tonight. And usually, it wasn't so bad. As usual, the people I dealt with were what made it a horrible night. Just make a decision and move on. It's not like it's that complicated to order some food! Okay, ranting.

I called my boyfriend and fell asleep while complaining to him. I slept extremely deeply and for a long period of time with the phone on the charger in my hand.

What woke me the next morning was what sounded like a cannon. It couldn't be. My brother must be watching some movie out in the family room. I opened my eyes and was completely speechless. I was not in my room. I wasn't even in my house.

I tried to scream but no sound would come out. The door, that was now a dark wood with glass in it that was once a solid white door opened.

"Oh, so you're up?" A man asked. Not just any man. Jack Sparrow. Jack _freaking_ Sparrow. But the name Jack Sparrow did not come out.

"Johnny Depp?" I asked.

"Who, love?"

I was confused. Pirates of the Caribbean was a movie, based on a ride at Disneyland. And yes, I was completely obsessed with it, writing stories and such, but this couldn't be real.

"So…" I started. Awkward. "You're Captain Jack Sparrow."

"Yes. And who would you be, darlin'?"

"I am…" I thought. "Amanda."

"Amanda, nice to meet you. And what might you be doing in my bed, although I don't much mind."

"I don't know," I said quickly.

"Well, I would like to welcome you to my ship…"

"The _Black Pearl_," I finished for him. "Previously known as the _Wicked Wench_."

"How did you know that? In fact, how do you know who I am?"

"I don't want to talk about that."

"Fine," he sighed.

I climbed out of his bed and stood. I was wearing my pajamas and Jack was looking me over. I had woken up with my phone, my blanket, and the clothes that I fell asleep on top of last night. I grabbed the sweater and pulled it on over my tank top. Jack's pouty face showed on his face.

"So…what should I do?"

"You could help swab the deck."

"I just cleaned an entire freaking concession stand last night and did inventory. No way am I cleaning your damn ship."

"I am the captain, and since you are a _stowaway_, you will do what I say."

"Well, I am your guest because I am assuming this is somehow your fault."

"_My fault!_" He shouted.

I'd been on the ship for an hour and I was fighting with Jack.

"Not obeying my orders is the first step towards getting marooned on an island."

"Well, I can just strap a pair of sea turtles to my feet and have them drag me off the island, can't I?" I mocked.

"That's the second step, missy."

"Maybe I'll go for the third step and punch you in the arm and stick out my tongue."

"You are an awful, awful pirate."

"Who ever said I was a pirate?" I yelled. "Now, turn around!"

"What?"

"Turn around, I have to get dressed. Is there somewhere I can get cleaned up?"

"The ocean?"

"Shut up and turn around."

"I'd rather not, love."

"Fine, I don't give a shit," I fumed as I started pulling my pajamas off. Jack's eyes grew wide as I stripped down. He made a move towards me, hands looking to grab something when I pulled up my jeans. I jumped out of the way and buttoned and zipped my pants. I grabbed the spare sword that Jack thought he had hidden, but I spotted and tried to create a stance.

Who was I kidding? I don't know how to sword fight. I made a few slashing moves (and sounds) while Jack laughed. "That's four," he said as he held his sides in pain.

I realized how heavy the cutlass was and dropped it on the floor. Man, I suck.

Then a voice was heard from the other side of the door, "Captain, is everything all right?"

"Yes…no…yes…" he answered.

"Um, okay," the voice said back.

"So, we're going to be stuck together for a while, huh?" Jack asked.

"Looks like," I answered back.

"So…"

"Yeah, so… Can I camp out in here with you at night?"

"Sure, love," he said as he looked at me with a sly grin.

"What?"

"Nothing." He smiled some more.

"I want to go on deck, show me the way," I ordered him.

"I answer to no one."

"Will you _please_ show me the way?"

He nodded and opened the door and ushered me out. I could feel him staring at my butt the whole way out and around the stairs.

I stared out at the deep blue ocean. This was the first time I'd ever seen the ocean. This could potentially be really fun.


	2. Day Two

A/N: Please read and review my short chapter!

**How to Be a Really Awful Pirate in One Story (Or Less)**

So my first day was kind of rough. The crew didn't like that there was a female on board. Of course, I knew that the only bad luck I was going to be was being in the way and being completely and totally useless. I couldn't help it. The only knots I can tie are in my shoelaces and those weren't going to cut it for the rigging.

I know absolutely nothing about boats. Ships. Whatever. Holy shit I'm in trouble.

One thing you have to know about me is when I get frustrated, I start to swear. And that was causing Jack to smile.

"Love, you can't do it. Let me do it." He walked over to me and took it out of my hands. Those were two things I hated to hear.

"No. I will do it," I said, before I started sliding in my flip-flops across the slippery deck. "Shit!" I yelled again.

He grabbed me by the waist and stopped my sliding. The waves were making me nauseous. And all I wanted to do was lay down.

I had been working since five in the morning. I realized that I missed my job more than I thought. At least we didn't open until eleven at the theater.

I literally hit the deck when a large wave hit. I didn't quite have sea legs. I mostly had bruised legs.

"Love, go down and make us lunch."

"Excuse me?" I spat. "I do not 'make lunch' for a bunch of smelly pirates."

"If you are from the year 2006, like you said, how many pirates are left to make lunch for?"

"Shut up, Jack. That isn't the point. I am not going to be your slave and make lunch for you."

"Do you want to get tossed over board?"

"You wouldn't dare."

"Try me."

"Kiss my ass."

"Love to."

"Jack Sparrow!"

The crew stood laughing at us as we argued. I'm sure it was pretty hilarious watching a pirate argue with a young woman.

"When was the last time you made lunch for your crew? I know full well that you never made lunch."

"How would you know something like that?"

"I'm a damn psychic."

"Don't be facetious."

"Ooh, big word," I laughed. This fight was getting ridiculous. I don't even really remember how it all started.

"Shall we continue this in my cabin, away from prying eyes?"

"Fine," I said, nodding.

I followed Jack to his cabin. He pinned me to the door and kissed me. I pushed him away and scrunched up my face. I ran my tongue over my teeth and tried not to gag. Blech. He tasted like rum. Of course he did.

"Why the hell would you do something like that?"

"I couldn't resist."

"Well, resist next time. I have a boyfriend."

"I don't see him," he spun drunkenly with arms out.

"Well, I have a conscience. Something you don't have."

"You aren't attracted to me? Don't lie."

"A pirate is telling me not to lie."

"You didn't answer the question."

I couldn't resist. I lunged forward and pressed my lips to his. Shit. Damn it. Crap.

So, long story short, my day was rough. Very rough. My boyfriend is going to kill me.


	3. Day Three, Part 1

The third day was even more interesting than the first two. I was a very bad pirate and I felt awful for what I had done with Jack. I mean, it was great, but I cheated on my boyfriend with a fictional pirate. Oh, man. He'd never believe me anyway so I don't actually know why I'm worrying about it.

I had won a special place in Jack Sparrow's heart, as he didn't make me do any work any more. I could get used to this.

I, however, didn't look like someone that Jack would sleep with so he was busy picking out a new outfit for me. I was more than slightly concerned that his man was going to dress me.

He was busy throwing things out of an armoire onto the floor. He spun and held a dress up to me and shook his head. He threw the garment that he was holding across his cabin and picked up another dress. He held the next one up to me and smiled. "Yes, this should do just fine."

"No, I don't do corsets."

"Elizabeth was just fine in a corset."

"Elizabeth passed out and almost drowned because of a corset."

"I saved her and will save you if the same fate happens again. By the way, how did you know that?"

"I'll tell you later."

He looked at me expectedly.

"What?"

"To put on the dress, you must take off these garments, my lady."

"I can handle this myself, please excuse yourself."

"No, this is my cabin, remember? And believe me, I've seen what there is to see and would love to see it again."

"No," I answered him. "Not right now."

"Fine," he said as he walked to the door. "But I am waiting outside the door and I plan to watch through the window."

"Just get out!" I screamed. I just wanted one minute of semi-privacy. Just one minute. Is that really too much to ask for.

I realize I don't belong here. And I'm in his space, but can't he be just a little sympathetic?

Too exhausted now to continue. Corsets suck. Must nap. Will get back to you later about the rest of day three.


	4. Day 3 and Beyond

Day 3 and beyond

Jack did as he said and watched me change through the window.

And to his credit, Jack could pick out a dress. I couldn't breathe, but my figure looked great.

He escorted me to the main deck where people (men, specifically pirates…duh) hooted and hollered. In the commotion that I caused I forgot to ask _why_ he had dresses on the _Black Pearl_. Oh well.

While we were on deck, dinner was being laid out in the captain's dining quarters.

When Jack led me back, I was astonished at the amount of food laid out. But then I almost threw up all over the _whole_ pig (face and all) that was located directly opposite me.

"What's the problem, love?" Jack asked me.

"He's looking at me," I answered, pointing at the pig.

"Darling, he couldn't look at you if he wanted to."

"Please, Jack?"

"Oh, all right," he said as he stood from his seat. He pulled out his sword and in one quick movement he brought it down to the table, severing the head from the rest of the pig body. He kicked out with his leg and sent the head bouncing to the floor in the corner. "Better?"

"Yes, thank you."

"Women," he muttered as he sat back down. "Now, drink up, love. Tonight we celebrate."

"What is it that we are celebrating?"

"The _marr-i-age_ of William Turner and Elizabeth Swann."

"Oh, they don't get married. The get arrested."

"What?"

"Oops, nothing. I was kidding. I'll bet they get married and reproduce like a pair of freaking rabbits."

He nodded, taking my answer seriously. I guess I've found my time frame. After _Curse of the Black Pearl _and sometime before _Dead Man's Chest_.

"So, I have a question."

"Forty-two."

"What?"

"The answer to everything in the universe. Never mind. What's your question?"

"How did you get here?"

"I have no idea, Jack."

"That's what I thought you were going to say."

We ate the rest of the meal in silence. But it wasn't the sort of awkward silences that plagues most of my days. I had a couple of glasses of the sweet wine and my head started to get heavy.

Jack had to carry me back to our room because I was so drunk, I couldn't walk.

I passed out when my head hit the pillow and slept soundly through the storm that we had apparently sailed through.

Jack said he had some business to attend to when I woke up the next day. That night he rowed off on his own the next night and was gone for three days.

I did what I could do to help the men. I tried to pinpoint what Jack did, so I could do that, but no one could quite explain what he was responsible for. So I settled with Mr. Gibbs teaching me how to tie knots. We had nothing else to do. The ship was spotless and we had dropped anchor, so we weren't moving.

All we could do was wait.

On the third night, Jack returned, handing a leg to Gibbs as he climbed onto the deck. I draped his coat over his shoulders and hugged him lightly. I had been starting to miss the smelly, rum-soaked captain.

The crew surrounded us and demanded answers.

"Did you get what you were looking for, Jack?"

"Yes, Mr. Gibbs." He pulled out a cloth. He unrolled it and held it up.

"A key?" on asked.

"No. Much more better. It's a _drawring_ of a key."

Oh shit. _Dead Man's Chest_ has started. Here comes the Kraken.

A/N: Please review and let me know if you like where this is going. Thanks!


	5. Day Four and some more

Oh shit. Oh shit. Oh shit.

Jack stood from his seat in the cabin. "Why is the rum _always_ gone?" He stumbled a bit and looked at me while swaying. "Oh, that's why," he said while I mouthed along with him.

"Where are you going?" I asked from my seat at the other side of the table.

"For more rum," he said back while pulling on his coat.

"Jack, don't go…" I whined. I knew what was going to happen. Bootstrap Bill was down in the rum cellar under the crew's sleeping quarters waiting for him.

But Jack mistook my concern for his safety (unbeknownst to him) and thought I was coming on to him. He drunkenly sauntered over to me and got too close for rum breath.

"Oh, Jack, not now. That isn't what I meant," I said, pushing him back a foot.

He made some sort of angry grumbling noise and grabbed a large ring of keys.

"Jack, I don't think that's such a good idea."

"Why the bloody hell not?" he slurred as he was halfway out the door.

"Never mind," I called. I didn't give a damn if he got the black spot or not.

Not ten minutes later Jack was screaming like I'd never heard before. I wandered back on deck to watch the sight before me.

He had woken his entire crew and wrapped his hand some scrap of fabric. He couldn't hide that from me.

He slunk back into our cabin when he hah given orders for land. His hat was gone and the whole crew thought he was crazier than before. (If that was even possible.)

He wasn't making eye contact with me. He wasn't speaking to me. I had warned him and how he was scared.

"So the Kraken's after you?"

"What?" He asked as he jumped at the sound of my voice.

"Let me see your hand."

He held up the unwrapped it and saw the mark up close.

"How did you know?" Jack asked.

"If I tried to explain, you'd never believe me. But I don't want to be beastie feed so we're headed to land, right?"

"Yes," Jack said.

I smiled until I realized where we were going. Shit.

Cannibals.

I know this is dumb, but I am scared to death of the idea of cannibals. Hannibal Lechter. Elijah Wood's character in _Sin City_. And these Pelegostos. Shit.

We hit the island around mid-afternoon the next day. My phone died so I didn't know what time it was anymore. I guess electricity and cell phone towers weren't all that important at this point anyway.

Jack had to throw me over his shoulder and carry me to get me off the ship. I didn't want to go.

"I don't want to go!" I screamed as he climbed down the gangplank.

"It's an uninhabited island, love. Calm down."

"Why don't you ever listen to me? It isn't uninhabited. Let me stay on the boat!"

"Ship! And if listened to you every time you said something, I'd be deaf."

I smacked him hard in the back of the head.

"Darling, we all need a break. Let's go!" he called to the men.

We all went into the jungle. And then they made him their chief. I escaped back to the ship. No one cared about little ol' me. I had to find Will when he got here.

Right on time Will showed up. He was wet and angry. He was standing on the shore calling for Jack and the crew. My jaw was on the deck of the ship as I watched the wet man stand there.

I called down to him.

He was majorly freaked. I had rolled up my jeans and climbed down. One again, I was nothing anyone had ever seen before. It was getting old.

"You are Will Turner, correct?" I asked. Of course, I knew I was right, but thought it proper to ask anyway.

"Yes. Who are you?"

"I'm Amanda. A friend of Jack's and an unofficial member of his crew."

"Where is he?"

I pointed to the jungle. And he sighed.

"I know, I know. You need Jack's compass to get Elizabeth's and your freedom."

"How do you know?"

"I really can't give out details, but let's just say, I've seen it all before. Like, three times before."

"Okay?" He said, almost asking himself.

"Come on. We went this way."

"Rawkk! Don't eat me!" Cotton's parrot screamed as we passed.

"It's nice to see a familiar face. Of course, I won't eat you," Will said back.

"Rawkk! Don't eat me!" It screamed again.

We continued into the jungle until we came upon Gibbs' flask. Will pulled on it before I could tell him not to and, long story short, we were unconscious and tied to spits.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Please review. I'm so glad people are liking this story. I hope people continue to like it. This story is so much fun to write. Thanks: )


	6. On a spit

**Here's the next installment...read and enjoy...and then review!**

We were carried up to the chief on the spits. I had come to a long time before Will and had been saying rude things the whole time.

When Will awoke, the first thing he saw was Jack, as the chief.

"Jack Sparrow," he said, tilting his head up. "I certainly am glad to see you."

Then Jack launched into his not-Pelegostos-talk. You know, eunuchy-snippy-snippy. I lost it. The whole tribe, including Jack and Will, stared at me like I was a mad woman.

"Come on," I said. "You all know 'eunuchy' is a freaking funny word!" I laughed some more.

"Who is she?" Will hissed as Jack walked past.

"A friend," Jack whispered. Then he added, "save me." He turned to the crowd. "I want the girl with me. Untie her," he pointed to me.

They dropped me hard and then untied me. I rubbed my ribs that were probably cracked now.

"Thanks a lot," I said to no one in particular. "You all suck major ass."

Before I could even turn around, Will was being hauled away. I could only assume now that he was going to be put in the cages with the rest of the crew.

I wanted to sneak off, I even started to, but Jack grabbed my arm. Jack knew I was right. I could see it in his eyes. I didn't move. I stayed with Jack. They brought me a crown and sat me on Jack's knee.

I wasn't comfortable at all.

I was going to get roasted, too.

"Follow my lead, love," Jack said. "No, bigger. Big fire. More wood," he said to the tribe. "Well, get on with it," he shouted and they scrambled. "Come on, let's go!" he whispered loudly.

We ran. We ran and got caught.

I was tied to another spit. Jack was on another. They were about to light the fire underneath Jack when one young man ran up and shouted something. They looked to Jack and he told them to go after them. The whole tribe ran screaming away, dropping the flame under Jack.

"Not good, not good," he said as he blew on the fire.

"Stop blowing on it. It's just going to get bigger," I told him.

"This is no time to talk like that, love," he said back.

Luckily enough, the person who tied my knots, did it like I did: poorly. I was able to slip my wrists out and fall on my head. Jack's fire was starting to pick up momentum and he was bouncing off of the supports. I got my ankles free and took off after him.

He jumped and made an impossible flip to another cliff. I couldn't follow.

Contrary to many female leads in these kinds of stories, I hold no great skills. I can make popcorn and sweep. I mean, I can't even put a straight part in my hair some days, so jumping ten feet to another cliff was totally out of the question.

I opted to climb down. I knew that they weren't after me, so I could take my time.

And I took way longer than I should have. I wish I had more physical abilities.

I got down to the ship once again. Pintel, Ragetti and the dog that had the keys were there. I told them I was a ghost and was going to help them. This was fun. They got to work extremely quickly. In no time, or so it seemed, Will and the remaining crew came running.

The crew wanted to leave. But Will stopped them.

"Not without Jack!" and Jack didn't miss his cue. He and his drunken run came around the corner with hungry people at his heels. "Never mind! Let's go!"

But Jack caught the side of the ship in time. But, to my extreme pleasure, Jack got completely soaked when he tried to deliver his trademark line.

"Thanks for all the help, love," Jack said angrily.

"I tried to warn you, you jackass." I stuck my tongue out at him. "At least your ship wasn't stolen by these two."

"Whatever," he said back to me.

"Jack," Will started as he pushed between us. "Elizabeth faces the gallows because of you. I need your compass."

"Don't do it, Jack. Beckett wants it, and in trade he offers letters of marque for your freedom…to be a privateer."

"How did you know?" Will asked.

"She knows everything, for some reason," Jack said in a monotone.

"You want to find the key, correct?" I pointed to Jack.

"Yes," he answered.

"And you want to save Elizabeth, correct?" I pointed to Will.

"Of course."

"So, Jack, go ahead with what to want to say and I promise I will try not to interfere."

"Okay," Jack smiled. "How much do you know about Davy Jones?" he asked Will.

Okay, so I felt a little guilty that I was letting all of this happen to poor Will. I didn't have anything against the guy, but I thought it would be wrong to screw with the movie.

We were going to see Tia Dalma.

I mouthed the whole meeting with them and was tempted to peek behind the curtain. That stupid monkey was sitting by some boots that no one else noticed. _"I know who it is!" _I sang to myself.

She gave us the coordinates for _The Flying Dutchman_. This was going to suck more than the cannibals.


	7. Still Confusing People

So the bayou is creepier than I had actually imagined, so I was glad to be gone. It was like a scene from _Deliverance_, or something as we floated past all the eyes.

But I have bigger things to worry about now. Jack was sending Will into indentured servitude and I could do nothing about it. Will was going to have to go on that sinking ship and eventually meet his father. The movie kinds of sucks if Will doesn't meet his father and, you know, wager his life for the damn key.

I walked over in time to hear Jack and Will discussing the ship.

"She doesn't look like much," Will said as he looked out towards the sinking ship.

"Neither do you," Jack said back. "Do you have a plan?"

"I row over and search 'til I find that key of yours."

"What if there are crewmen?"

"I cut down anyone in my path."

"I like it. Simple and easy to remember."

(Credit where credit is due: quoted from the _Dead Man's Chest_ book, author: Irene Trimble and of course Ted Elliot and Terry Rossio)

I watched Will walk over to the longboat and, yet again, I did something stupid. I volunteered to go with him. Crap.

Jack obviously objected. It wasn't that he was in love with me, or even held a deep emotional feeling for me; he was just concerned that the woman he was sleeping with was almost committing suicide. That's right, if I left, no sex for Jack Sparrow.

Will objected, too, but I climbed into the boat anyway. I was scared to death of Davy Jones, but I thought maybe Will wouldn't be so freaking retarded with me there.

I whispered in Will's ear that I had information that would get him the key, but I wasn't going to tell him until we had gotten into the longboat. So, he relented and Jack didn't look overly surprised.

"You've got to stop letting women run your life, mate," Jack laughed.

"I bring you this…key," he pulled on the cloth, "you give me the compass."

"Yes, and if you do get captured, just say 'Jack Sparrow sent me to settle his debt,'" Jack told us. "It might just save your life."

(That was another quote from the aforementioned writers. Please don't sue me.)

Will and I rowed off. The lights on board went out and all I could see was the outline of the large ship.

Will spoke and pulled me out of my thoughts. "What were you going to tell me?"

"Do you trust me? Because you are going to have to for this to work."

"I guess I do. I just met you three days ago, though."

"Have I done anything for you not to trust me?"

"Not yet."

"Well, I know that Jones keeps his key amongst the tentacles on his neck. We are going to get caught. It's going to be scary as hell, because Jack sent you into a trap."

"What?" Will shouted at me.

"I said you have to trust me. And I am going to tell you something that totally screws up the plot of the movie, but…your dad is on _They Flying Dutchman_. And when someone shouts for you to pull hard on a rope, he's going to come running, let him do it. If you fight and lose the cannon, you'll be in a lot of trouble. You'll get whipped. I want to save you the pain," I finished.

He looked at me with his mouth gaping. "How do you know all this?"

"Because this is a movie where I come from. What I've learned, though, is that this is real to you all."

"A movie?"

"Yes. It's too much for you to understand in a world without electricity, but you have to listen to me. I just blew this whole part of the movie. If you don't follow what I say, then you will be whipped, you will be press-ganged into Jones' crew."

"Why do you want to help me so much?" he asked as we got even nearer to the wreck.

"Because I want Elizabeth to end up with you in the end, not Jack," I said before I realized what I had _actually _said. "Oh shit."

"She ends up with Jack in the end?"

"Please ignore what I said. I don't know. I only know so far, the sequel doesn't come out for another seven months and what I'm doing might totally screw it up."

"But Elizabeth ends up with Jack?"

"No, I have a pretty good feeling that she ends up with you, that's just how the writer's ended this movie. You know, to confuse the whole freaking world."

I had done it now. I just screwed up the whole future. At least their whole future. Maybe I even screwed up the movie, I don't know.

We got to the sinking ship and a chill ran down my body. There was the smell that Gibbs had warned us about on the way to see Tia Dalma. Foul-ness.

And when Davy Jones showed up, I kept my mouth shut. Will, apprehensively, said that _we_ were sent to settle Jack Sparrow's debt. I had silently decided to kill Jack myself. He was such a coward that he tricked an innocent man into serving his debt.

We waited on _the Flying Dutchman_ while Jones went after said jackass pirate. When he returned Will was put to work and I was ignored.

But Will chose to ignore my warnings. He pretended like he had forgotten everything that I had said about the cannon lifting, because it came crashing to the ground. He was sentenced to five lashes at the Bo'sun's hand. I cursed him under my breath.

Jones didn't know what to do with me. His crew was almost frightened of me and my jeans. On the Brightside, I got to wear his totally awesome leather coat. I had always wanted one. Okay, not always. Just since I'd seen the movie. It was nice and warm, and it belonged to Will Turner.

But my happiness about being left alone with Will's coat changed to extreme displeasure when they produced the cat-o'-nine-tails. I wanted to smile when his shirt was ripped open and chest revealed, but instead I screamed and ran towards him. A slimy tentacle wrapped around my arm and seriously freaked me out.

"Missy, he deserves this for insubordination," Jones told me.

Jones then discovered that this was Bootstrap's his son and ordered him to whip Will himself.

It all happened in a matter of seconds. Will got five lashes across his back and fell at my feet when it was all over.

As fast as I could, I put his shirt back on him. He didn't need the salty water getting into the wounds, too. The crew was laughing at him and Bootstrap held his head in shame.

I didn't say anything. I can't believe I let this happen.

We were at a secluded part of the ship before Will had said anything. And I almost slapped him for what he said.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled as he put his head on my lap.

"For what?"

"For not trusting you. I'll be trusting your word from now on," he said.

I brushed his hair out of his face and almost laughed. I never thought that I would be aboard _the Flying Dutchman_, let alone touching Orlando Bloom. And he was in so much pain and I couldn't do anything about it.

Will took some time to recover while I told him how we were going to get the key.

That night, Bootstrap sent the man on duty to bed and climbed up the deck. Will and I sneaked out towards the captain's quarters. I saw the organ and started sniggering. I remembered the stupid scene in the movie with Jones playing it and couldn't help but laugh. Will turned and shushed me. This was serious business.

Jones was slumped over the organ, snoring through one of his blowholes or whatever the hell it was that he breathed through.

Will took one of the stick-things that was lying on the organ and used it to push away the tentacles. I grabbed another and did the same thing from the opposite side. We ended up with several in our hands and one in Will's mouth. A tentacle slipped when I reached for another and I nearly jumped out of my skin. We hurriedly pulled the key out and replaced it with the "draw-ring" of it and got our asses out of there.

Bootstrap Bill met us on deck and had a longboat ready for us. They shared a very cliché father-son moment and Bootstrap handed Will his knife.

"I hate to ruin this bonding moment, I really do, but we need to get on our way."

"You're right, Amanda," Will said, helping me into the boat.

We rowed all night long before the Edinburgh Trader spotted us. The captain couldn't believe that we had been out so far away from everything. Then someone shouted that we hit a reef.

"It isn't a reef!" Will said as I followed him out of the captain's quarters. "It's the Kraken."

Will started to climb the mast to the crow's nest and I stood at the bottom.

"Come on!" He shouted at me.

"Will," I shouted back. "I can't climb this…thing."

"Tough! Start moving!"

And for once, I did as I was told.

A/N: So that was chapter 7. Let me know what you all think! Please review!


	8. Doing What I'm Told

I was halfway up the mast when the first nasty tentacle came up over the port side of the ship. I screamed. I'm a girl. That's just what I do.

Several more tentacles rose and wrapped themselves around the doomed ship. It wasn't long until the whole thing was broken in two like the _Titanic_ and was sinking like mad.

It was great because the one thing I could do was swim. Finally I held a skill that I needed. Will and I swam as fast as we could from the mouth and the multiple rows of teeth that it held.

We each found some wreckage to cling to but had to dive back underwater to avoid being seen by Davy Jones or his crew. We climbed into the "mouth" of _the Flying Dutchman_. We heard him shout something about Jack and we turned in the opposite direction.

I have no perception of time anymore. I have no clue how long it took us to get to Isla Cruces. All I know is that we got close and had to go underwater and swim again.

Soaking wet we climbed onto the sand. At this point, I was probably better off on _the Dutchman_. Those guys were just as scared of me as I was of them.

We came up around a sand dune in time to hear Jack say," I do that a lot, and yet people are still surprised."

Will answered him back as we stepped around, "with good reason."

Elizabeth rushed towards him and hugged him so tight I thought his eyes were going to bug out of his head. "Will, you're all right?"

Jack looked at Will, then back at me, then out to the water. "How did you _two _get here?"

"Sea turtles, mate," I smiled.

"Strapped to our feet," Will finished.

"Not so easy, is it?"

"Easier than you'd think," Will answered Jack.

They got into a ridiculous discussion about lies and how Jack always does and Will started to open the chest that Jack, Norrington, and Elizabeth had uncovered.

Jack drew his sword. Then Will drew Elizabeth's. And to round out the trio, Norrington drew his.

They told Elizabeth to guard the chest and she adamantly refused. She followed them, making a fool out of herself, screaming some shit about "wobbly legged, rum soaked pirates!"

'Course, by now, Pintel and Ragetti had moved in on the chest and were running away with it.

"Elizabeth!" I shouted and we took off after them.

We got so far as the jungle when the two pirates turned on us. We had no defense against them as Will had taken Elizabeth's sword.

But the crew of the _Dutchman_ was also chasing all of us. Pintel and Ragetti dropped their swords into our hands and took off with the chest.

I still can't sword fight so this was going to be interesting. Truth be told, and to my extreme chagrin, Elizabeth did most of the fighting.

I stuck to the middle of the group. Pintel and Ragetti had dropped the chest and had taken to sharing a sword with Elizabeth. Why do I have to be so bloody useless?

We fought our way back to the beach and some time later a giant water wheel rolled out. Jack had arrived with the chest and I had just enough time to tell him to hand the heart over to me.

Norrington and Will stumbled dizzily out of the wheel after it splashed down in the water. They both tried to walk and fell face first into the water.

Everyone, in the process of fighting off Jones' men, saw the chest that was in the longboat. Will went for it and Jack knocked him out with the oar in his hands. Elizabeth made a beeline for him, but Jack stopped her. "Leave him be, unless you plan to use him to hit something."

She backed away and Norrington moved in. He grabbed the chest and "sacrificed" himself.

Jack said that we should respect his last wish and we rowed off, to go back to the _Pearl_, Jack clutching his jar of dirt.

Elizabeth finally decided to really acknowledge my presence at this point.

"Who _are_ you?" She asked, looking me up and down.

"Amanda."

"She's _a friend_," Jack smiled, still holding his jar.

"Shut up, Jack."

We got back on the _Pearl_and Jack and I held a conference of the two of us in his cabin.

"Okay, Jones is after you. But because I knew that Norrington was going to try to be a sneaky bastard and steal the heart from you, I took it. Not one of my brightest ideas, but that means _you_ still have a bargaining tool. And that jerk, Cutler Beckett can kiss my ass and not control the seas."

"Why do you care so much, love?" Jack said as he paced.

"Because this is how I wanted the story to really go. I'm hoping that the next time this happens, I can go into Moulin Rouge."

We heard a shout from the deck. _The Dutchman_ was in sight.

Again.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Please review. I love reviews.


	9. The End

Jack's plan was short and simple. Flag down Jones, have him call off the Kraken in exchange for the heart, then stab said heart because, hey, he's a pirate.

So that's what we did. The crew, Jack, and I waited 'til they got nice and close, then started making fun of Jones.

He had placed the heart in the jar to ensure its safety. And he started to dance around. "I got a jar of dirt. I got a jar of dirt and guess what's inside it, you bloody git."

Jones stared wide-eyed at him as Jack fell over. I caught the jar, something totally unusual for myself, and handed it back to Jack who was climbing up off the deck.

"Hey fish-face! I've got the heart!" Jack shouted. Jones looked horrified. Jack was waving the jar around and jumping up and down.

"Calm down," I patiently told him.

"What do you want?" Jones growled.

"Call your beastie off," Jack answered back. "

"Done," he answered.

Jack stuck out his hand and watched as the black spot was sucked away, disappearing as quickly as it had appeared previously.

But Jack didn't flinch. Two seconds hadn't passed before the jar was smashed and Jack, Will, and I were on our hands and knees going after the heart with our respective weapons.

I'm not sure who stabbed it first, but on second thought, it doesn't really matter in the long run.

I remember an ear-piercing scream and looking Jones in the eyes as he clutched his chest.

Jones died a short time later. I messed up the whole plot of the movie. I'm not so sure that it's a bad thing that the crew on the _Dutchman_ was overjoyed. That is, until it started to crumble beneath their crustacean feet. Bootstrap had just enough time to jump to the _Pearl_, and the _Dutchman _sank back to Davy Jones' very own locker and grave.

We celebrated into the night. I was so drunk when Jack and I crawled into bed that I slept in my piratey clothing.

I awoke the next morning to a repeated beeping. Man, it was annoying.

"Amanda! Turn off your alarm!" a voice shouted.

I rolled over and opened my eyes. It was one o'clock in the afternoon and it was the very next day.

"Got it!" I mumbled as I switched the blasted thing off.

Shit. Could I really have dreamt that whole thing?

I looked down to the foot of my bed and saw a beautiful beaded dress. It was the same dress that I had worn to dinner with Jack. My head was pounding as I stood.

"No," I said out loud as I looked to Captain Jack on my door. "It wasn't just a dream, was it?"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--The End--

A/N: So that's the end. Tell me what you think. And let me know if I should do the Moulin Rouge fic to follow this one. Please?


End file.
